So, you’ve been holding steadfast to your monogamous ideals. You believe in the depth, trust, and connection that a monogamous relationship brings. Yet, despite your best efforts, you keep encountering people who either misrepresent themselves as monogamous or genuinely want to be but can’t maintain it.
Psychiatrists and anthropologists often argue that monogamy is an unrealistic expectation, one that’s nearly impossible to maintain in the modern world. And while society increasingly normalizes non-monogamy, here you are, fully committed to monogamy, struggling to find someone who truly shares your values.
Adding insult to injury, you might face accusations along the way—being labeled “weak and dependent” if you’re a woman or “a controlling narcissist” if you’re a man. These stereotypes can be exhausting, especially when you’re simply trying to live authentically.
At some point, you may even find yourself questioning your path. You might wonder if monogamy is worth it or if perhaps you should consider non-monogamy.
The Temptation of Non-Monogamy
There are undeniably advantages to both monogamy and non-monogamy. Here’s a comparative look:
| Monogamy | Non-Monogamy |
|---|---|
| Builds deep trust and emotional intimacy | Encourages freedom and personal exploration |
| Offers stability and a sense of security | Provides variety and reduces pressure on one partner |
| Creates a shared, focused life journey | Promotes broader social and romantic connections |
| Resonates deeply with those hardwired for it | Allows for individuality within relationships |
| Reduces emotional and sexual complexity | Eliminates exclusivity expectations |
For some, breaking from monogamy and exploring non-monogamy can feel liberating. It’s often sold as the solution to modern relationship challenges, a way to avoid the pain of betrayal or unmet expectations.
But many who experiment with non-monogamy find it unsettling. The lack of exclusivity can make it difficult to achieve the deep emotional connection and trust that monogamists crave. This isn’t to say that non-monogamy can’t work for some—it can, and it does. But for those deeply aligned with monogamy, the lack of that unique, focused bond often feels like a sacrifice too great.
Why You’re Drawn to Monogamy
If you’re reading this, chances are monogamy is more than a choice for you; it’s a part of who you are. As critics might argue, it’s not some outdated societal mechanism or religious imposition. It’s your vibration, your frequency, and how you’re wired to connect with others.
When monogamy is deeply ingrained in your nature, straying from it can leave you feeling untethered and out of sync with your true self. And this is why, even after dabbling in non-monogamy, many find their way back to monogamous relationships.
Staying the Course
Yes, being monogamous in today’s world can feel isolating, and yes, it can be frustrating when your efforts to find a like-minded partner seem to hit dead ends. But you’re not alone. There are others out there who share your values and who long for the same depth, trust, and connection that you do.
Rather than giving up or compromising who you are, consider these strategies:
- Redefine Success: Finding the right partner might take time, but staying true to yourself is a success in itself. Celebrate your commitment to your values.
- Seek Support: Join communities—online or in person—where others share your outlook. Monogamous Anonymous groups, forums, or social gatherings can provide the camaraderie you’re looking for.
- Be Patient and Selective: True connection takes time. It’s better to wait for the right partner than settle for someone who doesn’t align with your values.
- Educate and Communicate: Sometimes, potential partners might misunderstand what monogamy means to you. Share your perspective openly and without judgment.
You’re Not Alone
It’s easy to feel like you’re the last monogamist standing in a world that seems to celebrate anything but. But monogamy isn’t dying—it’s evolving. It’s being reclaimed by those who see it as a path to deep connection and authenticity, not as a relic of the past.
This is your journey, and you’re not alone in walking it. Stay true to who you are. Your monogamy is not just a lifestyle—it’s a reflection of your heart, your values, and your soul. And while it might take time to find someone who matches your frequency, remember: they’re out there, looking for you too.